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Welcome to the 6 o'clock news. My name is Gord BlessAmerica
Our top stories tonight
*A man who was swallowed whole by a whale escaped today by running as hard as he could until he was all pooped out.
*Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to shut down their stall which was outside the playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, "Well if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars".
*And finally, Hollywood was saddened by the death of Foghorn Leghorn today at the age of 62. Memorial services will be held tomorrow after which the deceased will be served with a nice orange sauce.
Good night and good news.